


Sentinel

by TheHatterTheory



Series: Nothing Is Sacred [5]
Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, POV, Secrets, Sexual References, waaaangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-08
Updated: 2012-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-08 14:52:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHatterTheory/pseuds/TheHatterTheory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is difficult to repeat a pattern, to find myself in the same place, powerless and tired, afraid and alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sentinel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [naqaashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/naqaashi/gifts).



**Sentinel**

**By: The Hatter Theory**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Inu Yasha.**

**Author's Note:** This one is for Naq, who requested something from Miroku's POV.

* * *

It's dark when I feel the tale tell brush of a strong barrier against my senses. Sighing, I turn, look at my wife, beautiful even in the darkness, her eyes closed and lips slightly parted in sleep. I brush a kiss against her forehead, push myself up from my sleeping pallet and walk past my children, beautiful and innocent.

It is not difficult to walk out into the night, to navigate the paths between huts filled with other sleeping people. Despite the darkness of the moonless night it is not difficult to spot you walking from you own, blind to anything but a call only you can hear. But it is difficult to follow, knowing what lies ahead. It is difficult to repeat a pattern, to find myself in the same place, powerless and tired, afraid and alone.

And yet above all, I am sympathetic. It is perhaps my greatest sin, even more so than my silence. This understanding is something that I abhor and yet cannot deny. Would that I could, perhaps things would be simpler.

I know that you know I follow. I know that he knows I am near. This is a secret between three, though there is little doubt it would have been best between only two. My curiosity had, until many months ago, been my greatest sin. Now this secret, my sympathy, my silence, has weighted down my soul until my curiosity has turned to jaded exhaustion. Knowledge has always been said to be a burden, something that comes at a high cost. I am only too aware of how high that cost can be. I suppose I am still surprised that it would be you to show me.

Once you hit the tree line I go no further. I feel the barrier, it's energy like lightning against my consciousness. I dare not tread beyond that line. Once, curiosity would have taken me beyond it. No longer. Now I am heavy beneath my burden, beneath my sympathies.

You could not have known what coming back would bring you little joy. An expectant mate you had grown beyond, matured past, and duties you were expected to fulfill. Roles to play. Three years is a long time to be away. I suppose you could not have remembered everything, only the longing, the need for those you loved.

Your sorrow is a palpable thing, though I doubt you realize it. It lifts only on the moonless nights, and perhaps I am the only one that notices. I am sure I am the only other conscious of this, your greatest secret, perhaps the only one you hold. I wonder sometimes, if your sadness is only apparent to me because I have seen you truly happy, that I am aware only because I know the truth.

It is our secret, our sin. You stand out of place and time, having sacrificed everything. Once, I almost made that choice. I know the fear, I know the loss. It is why I cannot fault you now. You gave up everything, and you came back to little more than nothing. Your stories made it clear that your world was a safer one, a happier one. In these times it is only too apparent that what little happiness that can be found must be grasped, nurtured, treasured. If your happiness can only be found in the forbidden, then it is so, although my heart breaks for you, a child of the light that fell into the darkness.

I have found my small joys, and though I need not hide them, need not meet them in the cover of utter darkness, I understand how desperately they are needed. I do not begrudge you this one small joy, however furtive, however dangerous. I understand what it is to cling to hope as if it were air. Your love could not flourish in the sun or even beneath the moon. It can only be found in darkness. But in the shadows is where secrets grow best, in the dark corners of our hearts where they are kept.

I stand guard for you, and for your happiness. You, who sacrificed so much while expecting nothing in return. If any should bear witness to you attempts at solace, let it be me, who understands loneliness. If any should hear the whispered sighs of passion carried on the wind, let it be me, who has known despair. And should any be forced to carry the burden, let it be me, who has felt defeat.

I will hold the weight you carry in the stolen seconds you find escape. I am the keeper of your secret in the moments you are free.


End file.
